Unemployment Tip #1: Accept It.

So you’re unemployed, huh?

Welcome to the club!

Unemployment Tip #1: Accept It.

To some the loss of a job can be just as devastating as the loss of a child, spouse, pet, plant, sports team, the remote control or even a set of keys.

In the days and weeks after “your last day” you will experience five stages of grief:

  • 1. Denial: “This can’t be happening to me! I’ve been with the company 19 years and I’ve never been late or taken a sick day. And in an effort to save the company on it’s water bill I even stopped using the bathroom at work! All because I knew I wanted to devote my entire life to making aglets for this company!”
  • 2. Anger: “Why me? Is it because I never used the bathroom? Is it because I came in early and left late? Is it because I powered my workstation by a foot-pump to save the company on it’s electric bill? Probably…yes! Well those bastards wouldn’t understand that kind of dedication. My kind of dedication! If those asshats had a fifth of my dedication the company would be booming and I’d still be working! If I see any of those snatches on the street, I’m gonna fuck up their day and I don’t even know what that means!”
  • 3. Bargaining: Bargaining often takes place before the loss. “God, I know times are tough… But if you save my job I’ll stop stealing my neighbor’s unsecured WIFI network and downloading movies illegally. I’ll start following two of the commandments if You just save my job. In these tough economic times, a two-for-one deal is priceless. It’s win-win for You. Please God. PLEASE! I’m begging You, I NEED THIS JOB!”
  • 4. Depression: “I’ll never find another job like that again and let’s face it, I’ll never find another job again either. There’s no reason to get out of bed. Killing myself wouldn’t be such a bad idea, except then I’d have to clean my house for the rescuers; I don’t want people to know I lived in this filth. But that would mean getting out of bed and I’m just too depressed. Oh, no one understands what it’s like to be unemployed like I do!”
  • 5. Acceptance: You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. “I didn’t do anything wrong, the entire economy is messed-up right now. I can accept being unemployed. It doesn’t mean I’m a bad person or any ‘less special’ than before. It’s trendy to be unemployed! Millions of people are unemployed and oddly, that comforts me. There will be other jobs and opportunities. Being unemployed is gonna be a blessing in disguise!”
  • There you have it, the first step to being unemployed is just ACCEPTING IT. If you can, skip the four steps listed above and just jump right in to being a-okay without your former job.

    Sure, things could always be better — but they could be a whole lot worse. Just think, during the height of the Great Depression, the United States had an unemployment rate of 37%!

    And yeah, you’re one of the 12.5 million people or 8.1% that’s currently unemployed, but you have one thing that the folks from the Great Depression didn’t have: unemployment tips.

    Keep reading, there will be more to come!

    walkonred
    (unemployed for 22 weeks and counting!)

    About Michael Venske

    Since 2012 Michael Venske has been teaching English in Zibo, Shandong, China. When not in the classroom he's busy writing his next solo performance endeavor chronicling (mis)adventures in The People’s Republic of China.
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