I’ve started this letter no less than a dozen times. My intention was to send this before yesterday, however, it didn’t feel right clicking ‘send’ because I was still reflecting on and experiencing all that you were.
When I look back on the year I see a lot of “life stuff.”
I got divorced…Which led to new home because of a new job…Grandpa died…And — in perhaps the most surprising event of the year — I’m stupid-in-love with the kindest/strongest/funniest/wisest/most supportive/loving/encouraging/patient/kickass woman who I met in an elevator courtesy of Billy Joel!
And rather than rehash things, I just want you to know how we ended.
Last night, just before midnight, I wandered outside the house party and looked up at the stars; staring into infinity and all who may be awake staring back.
Inside party guests drunkenly began the countdown. 3…2…1…!
And alone on the sidewalk my heart, falling up into the heavens of sideways-eights and Holy Wows, filled with awe, love, and the most grounding of gratitudes.
2016: At the least, I survived. At the most, I received everything I ever wanted.
Thank you for taking my hand and guiding me exactly where I needed to be. Thank you for helping me reconcile the past and reminding me of the hopeful future.
Thank you for the people who showed up. Family. Friends. Coworkers. Agents and yes, a therapist, too. They took me under their collective wings, ready to defend and shelter me from whatever was coming next. Their love gave me the strength to endure and for that I am forever in their debt.
Without them I’m not sure where I’d be. With them I’m here and healing and so grateful.
In some not so small way, 2016, you helped me rediscover me. Because you gave me my life back. And that’s an important thing to realize about life. That it’s yours. Sure, parts were a total shitstorm, but there’s no rainbows without the rain.
So. From the bottom of my heart: thank you, 2016. Couldn’t have done it without you.
Ready, 2017? Let’s dance!